if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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