Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hippo gnu deer
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
