We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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