Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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