so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
