Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
