I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
