I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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