2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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