started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
