Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
