i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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