Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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