I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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