at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
