You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
