I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's shark week go big or go home
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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