So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
