if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
