And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
