i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
