So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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