therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
