These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
