More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
