i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
