yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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