i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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