everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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