I wish I only lived at night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
