I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's official drugs can't kill me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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