apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
