Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
