Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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