i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
