gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
