did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
