She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
