she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
