theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
