Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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