i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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