What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
