No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
