I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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