I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
