he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
