We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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