If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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