walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
