i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
