Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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