his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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