yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
