Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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