I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
