You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
