Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
