the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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