If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
